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Trying to make your new relationship last or just looking to avoid a repeat of your latest dating mistakes? Follow our guide to finding Mr. Pros & Cons Of Dating Older Women Turned On By Cougars? Here's What You Need To Know Before You Move Forward. How to Navigate New Relationships and Find Lasting Love. What’s preventing you from finding love? Life as a single person offers many rewards, such as being free to pursue your own hobbies and interests, learning how to enjoy your own company, and appreciating the quiet moments of solitude. However, if you’re ready to share your life with someone and want to build a lasting, worthwhile relationship, life as a single person can also be frustrating. For many of us, our emotional baggage can make finding the right romantic partner a difficult journey. Perhaps you grew up in a household where there was no role model of a solid, healthy relationship and you doubt that such a thing even exists. Or maybe your dating history consists only of brief flings and you don't know how to make a relationship last. You could be attracted to the wrong type of person or keep making the same bad choices over and over, due to an unresolved issue from your past. Ot maybe you're not putting yourself in the best environments to meet the right person, or that when you do, you don't feel confident enough. Whatever the case may be, you can overcome your obstacles and find a healthy romantic relationship. What is a healthy relationship? A healthy relationship is when two people develop a connection based on: Mutual respect. Trust. Honesty. Support. Fairness/equality. Separate identities. Good communication. A sense of playfulness/fondness. Source: UW Seattle. Reassess your misconceptions about dating and relationships. The first step to finding love is to reassess some of the misconceptions about dating and relationships that may be preventing you from finding lasting love. Despite the stigma in some social circles that accompanies being single, it’s important not to enter a relationship just to “fit in.” Being alone and being lonely are not the same thing. And nothing is as unhealthy and dispiriting as being in a bad relationship. Myth: If I don’t feel an instant attraction to someone, it’s not a relationship worth pursuing. Fact: This is an important myth to dispel, especially if you have a history of making inappropriate choices. Instant sexual attraction and lasting love do not necessarily go hand- in- hand. Emotions can change and deepen over time, and friends sometimes become lovers—if you give those relationships a chance to develop. Myth: Women have different emotions than men. Fact: Women and men feel similar things but sometimes express their feelings differently, often according to society’s conventions. But both men and women experience the same core emotions such as sadness, anger, fear, and joy. Myth: True love is constant or Physical attraction fades over time. Fact: Love is rarely static, but that doesn’t mean love or physical attraction is doomed to fade over time. As we age, both men and women have fewer sexual hormones, but emotion often influences passion more than hormones, and sexual passion can become stronger over time. Myth: I’ll be able to change the things I don’t like about someone. Fact: You can’t change anyone. People only change if and when they want to change. Myth: I didn’t feel close to my parents, so intimacy is always going to be uncomfortable for me. Fact: It’s never too late to change any pattern of behavior. Over time, and with enough effort, you can change the way you think, feel, and act. Myth: Disagreements always create problems in a relationship. Fact: Conflict doesn’t have to be negative or destructive. With the right resolution skills, conflict can also be an opportunity for growth in a relationship. Expectations about dating and finding love. When we start looking for a long- term partner or enter into a romantic relationship, many of us do so with a predetermined set of (often unrealistic) expectations—such as how the person should look and behave, how the relationship should progress, and the roles each partner should fulfill. These expectations may be based on your family history, influence of your peer group, your past experiences, or even ideals portrayed in movies and TV shows. Retaining many of these unrealistic expectations can make any potential partner seem inadequate and any new relationship feel disappointing. Consider what's really important. Distinguish between what you want and what you need in a partner. Wants are negotiable, needs are not. Wants include things like occupation, intellect, and physical attributes such as height, weight, and hair color. Even if certain traits seem crucially important at first, over time you'll often find that you've been needlessly limiting your choices. For example, it may be more important to find someone who is: Curious rather than extremely intelligent. Curious people tend to grow smarter over time, while those who are bright may languish intellectually if they lack curiosity. Sensual rather than sexy. Caring rather than beautiful or handsome. A little mysterious rather than glamorous. Humorous rather than wealthy. From a family with similar values to yours, rather than someone from a specific ethnic or social background. Needs are different than wants in that needs are those things that matter to you most, such as values, ambitions, or goals in life. These are probably not the things you can find out about a person by eyeing them on the street, reading their profile on a dating site, or sharing a quick cocktail at a bar before last call. What feels right to you? When looking for lasting love, forget what looks right, forget what you think should be right, and forget what your friends, parents, or other people think is right, and ask yourself: Does the relationship feel right to me? Dating tip 1: Keep things in perspective. Don’t make your search for a relationship the center of your life. Concentrate on activities you enjoy, your career, health, and relationships with family and friends. When you focus on keeping yourself happy, it will keep your life balanced and make you a more interesting person when you do meet someone special. Remember that first impressions aren't always reliable, especially when it comes to Internet dating. It always takes time to really get to know a person and you have to experience being with someone in a variety of situations. For example, how well does this person hold up under pressure when things don't go well or when they're tired, frustrated, or hungry? Be honest about your own flaws and shortcomings. Everyone has flaws, and for a relationship to last, you want someone to love you for the person you are, not the person you’d like to be, or the person they think you should be. Besides, what you consider a flaw may actually be something another person finds quirky and appealing. By shedding all pretense, you’ll encourage the other person to do the same, which can lead to an honest, more fulfilling relationship. Tip 2: Build a genuine connection. The dating game can be nerve wracking. It’s only natural to worry about how you’ll come across and whether or not your date will like you. But no matter how shy or socially awkward you feel, you can overcome your nerves and self- consciousness and forge a great connection. Focus outward, not inward. To combat first- date nerves, focus your attention on what your date is saying and doing and what’s going on around you, rather than on your internal thoughts. Being fully present in the moment will help take your mind off worries and insecurities. Be curious. When you’re truly curious about someone else’s thoughts, feelings, experiences, stories, and opinions, it shows—and they’ll like you for it. You’ll come across as far more attractive and interesting than if you spend your time trying to promote yourself to your date. And if you aren’t genuinely interested in your date, there’s little point in pursuing the relationship further. Be genuine. Showing interest in others can’t be faked. If you’re just pretending to listen or care, your date will pick up on it. No one likes to be manipulated or placated. Rather than helping you connect and make a good impression, your efforts will most likely backfire. If you aren’t genuinely interested in your date, there is little point in pursuing the relationship further. Pay attention. Make an effort to truly listen to the other person. By paying close attention to what they say, do, and how they interact, you’ll quickly get to know them. Little things go a long way, such as remembering someone’s preferences, the stories they’ve told you, and what’s going on in their life. Put your smartphone away. You can’t truly pay attention or forge a genuine connection when you’re multitasking. Nonverbal communication—subtle gestures, expressions, and other visual cues—tell us a lot about another person, but they’re easy to miss unless you’re tuned in. Tip 3: Put a priority on having fun. Online dating, singles events, and matchmaking services like speed dating are enjoyable for some people, but for others they can feel more like high- pressure job interviews. And whatever dating experts might tell you, there is a big difference between finding the right career and finding lasting love. Instead of scouring dating sites or hanging out in pick- up bars, think of your time as a single person as a great opportunity to expand your social circle and participate in new events. Make your focus having fun. By pursuing activities you enjoy and putting yourself in new environments, you'll meet new people who share similar interests and values. Even if you don’t someone special, you will still have enjoyed yourself and maybe forged new friendships as well. Tips for finding fun activities and like- minded people: Volunteer for a favorite charity, animal shelter, or political campaign. Or even try a volunteer vacation (for details see Resources section below). Take an extension course at a local college or university. Sign up for dance, cooking, or art classes. Join a running club, hiking group, cycling group, or sports team. Join a theater group, film group, or attend a panel discussion at a museum. Find a local book group or photography club. Dating After Divorce. 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First the Ray Rice domestic violence scandal, and now child abuse charges against Adrian Peterson. Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson was indicted on charges of reckless or negligent injury to his 4- year- old son for spanking him with a switch. Many old- school parents believe it is perfectly fine to discipline a child with an object like a spoon or switch. Other parents, like myself, find it cruel to even think of beating a child with a branch off a tree as a form of discipline. Peterson's . However, I am glad a public figure was charged in this case, so it can open up the spanking conversation. Evidenced by this Reddit thread, spanking is bound to bring up a lively debate. Plenty of Reddit users argue that spanking is fine when used purposefully and for the right reasons. Spanking isn't meant to make the child feel pain, it's meant as a quick and precise way to enforce consequences. I am anti- spanking in any circumstance. Here are 1. 0 great reasons from Reddit to think twice about spanking your kids: 1. It is illegal in other countries. If someone expressed the views reflected in this thread in a public debate it would promote a public outcry. I was brought up without my parents ever laying a hand on me. I was still able to show respect to adults, understand boundaries and have a generally normal behaviour. The same goes for my friends and classmates. It promotes violence. I was spanked as a kid and it was no big deal, but to me, spanking gives the impression that it is ok to solve problems with violence. It can be traumatizing. Parents used a switch rather than spanking. I was traumatized by it and the fear of disappointing my parents that I had a nervous breakdown in class after receiving my first F. It is hypocritical. The kid's punishment for causing someone physical pain is receiving physical pain themselves. It is ineffective at best. It does not teach a lesson? S/he can't, s/he is acting entirely out of fear only, learning to avoid punishment without reason. You wouldn't hit an adult. Can you imagine doing this to an adult? You wouldn't hit your dog. It is not the best way to discipline. They are naughty sometimes but nothing they have ever done has made me ever think hitting them is the best way to handle the situation. It is a failure of parenting. It only teaches that it's fine to stop talking and resort to violence. Why would anyone want to teach that? |
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